Two roads to happiness: which one will you choose?

Here’s the truth: Happiness could only be found through others. You can’t find it on your own, you cannot create it on your own—it is always a collective effort and a hard one at that. It is an emotion, a perspective, a moment that will subdue in a second. And even though you give your best shot at it, you just can’t be happy without accounting it to a memory, an experience or a person.

I’m walking on a thin ice whilst talking about happiness. It as a concept and an end result of a long process is elusive and confusing. It cannot be talked about without the feeling of being lost in translation or senselessness. But still, I want to talk or rather, write about it, while I have the luxury of time to do so.

Back on the claim at hand: happiness is not an action to be made solely, but by people of all kinds and shapes. And one more thing: oftentimes, if not always, you become happy when you see that others are happy. A joke, an accomplishment, a helping hand—any related action that could be done by you can elicit happiness (or any related positive action) from the group you are a member of. And such reaction is a validation that can bring a sense of fulfillment in your part, thus making you happy and light hearted. It’s simple logic, really—they’re happy, you’re happy, what could possibly go wrong?

I say: many things could go wrong. For one, your life could be forever screwed because of your obsession to this kind of happiness.

Again, it’s really simple: the road to happiness is never cemented and fully asphalted. This road has its gregarious bumps and unforeseen holes and all kinds of unfinished business. The journey to this is painful and involves buckets of tears and weeping. On this road, you’ll meet a lot of people who are necessary, while others are not. Still, you’ll feel grateful to have met all of them. With a semi-detached disposition, you get to know them and leave traces of you as you go from place to place. This journey involves a lot of introspection, self-discovery and growth. It will be a difficult process—you’ll meet and leave a lot of people, you’ll hurt yourself and them—but it will be worth it.

Then there’s the other road to happiness: the one which is smooth as a baby’s bum. You just walk across it and feel jovial all the same. On this road, you’ll meet a lot of people who will be relying on you relentlessly. They will welcome you and make you feel at home in this place called Earth. They will take care of you, nourish, guide and love you. You’ll claim that the little spot (called the Comfort Zone) they created on this world as your sole Home, and you won’t want to get out of that.  Soon enough, you will devote yourself to them. Their happiness will be your only source of happiness.

At this point in my life, I can truly say that I am on the second road. An obedient child, I couldn’t say no to my parents. I rarely lie to them because I JUST CAN”T. I don’t know how to and I never want to. I always follow what they want me to do even after I graduated from college. At first I was happy and I felt as high as someone on space brownie, but now it seems I realized that I’ve taken the wrong path and I want a way out.

Am I being selfish? That is another question for some other time.

Now, I just want to create a diversion, to go back to the beginning of the road so I can take the first one.

If you were I, which road will you choose?

A week after

A week after, uncertainty suspends

Judgment becomes clearer

And you wait, you wait

A week after

A week after, friendships are lost

Are they really your friends in the first place?

They will leave

A week after

A week before, sadness consumes

And you curl up on your bed

Silence accompanies

A week before

This week, you know none

You do not see them

As if they went into hiding

This week 

Two weeks are not enough

Patapos na ang semestre. Ang aking huling semestre. Bigla na lang bumalik sa akin ang lahat ng mga naganap nung nagdaang apat na taon. Kay bilis talaga ng oras. Apat na taon na pala ang lumipas nang di ko napapansin. 'Di ko rin namalayan na marami na pala akong na-miss.

Hindi na ako ulit nakapag-ICs.
Hindi pa ako nakakapag-elbeatz.
Hindi pa kami nakakapag movie marathon ng mga kaibigan ko.
At hindi pa kami ulit kumakain sa Mang Toto's.

Dala na rin ng paglaki ang paglisan. Ngunit mahirap pa rin. Dahan-dahan mong ihihiwalay ang sarili mo sa LB at sa mga taong bumuo ng buhay-kolehiyo mo. Di mo rin maiiwasan na makakapag-iwan ka sa kanila ng mumunti at sari saring bahagi ng ng iyong pagkatao. At paggising mo isang araw, maalala mo sila bigla at magpaparamdam ang alaala, ang naiwan.

/Impress to impress/

Saving the best for last. Not only was it the best, it was also the most difficult for me. However I could not help but be proud of what I was able to make using Impress. It was definitely better than ppt and prezi, although I had to do additional searches to fully understand how it is to be done. In the end, I enjoyed this exercise! It took me a lot of time to figure it out, another long time to get used to it--but after that, my hands moved smoothly across the keyboard.
It was not the most aesthetically elaborate (it's pretty simple, is it not?) but still, I was able to make it! I even tried to make my thesis presentation using Impress. But alas, I gave up. Too many slides needed. -_-

Where do we go?

This is in line with the divide between the Ronghiya Muslims and the Buddhists clashes in Myanmar. I did not know where this came from, so I did a little bit of research, also to enlighten myself.

In 2012, there were widespread clashes between the Rakhine Buddhists and the Ronghiya Muslims after a Buddhist woman was raped and murdered. Prior to this, there has been a mutual distrust between the two groups of people. In the following years, more deadly riots ensued that left casualties on both sides (BBC, 2014).

In November 2014, the Myanmar government passed a law that requires for Muslim citizens to prove that they have been living in Myanmar for 60 years and that they could qualify for second class citizenship (Perlez, 2014). The Myanmar government had advanced this for quite some time, even appealing to the UN in 2012 to have the right to deport Ronghiya Muslims (also, they have been denied citizenship since 1982). In 2014, this appeal reappeared in the Rakhine State Action Plan. Myanmar's current president, Pres. Thein Sein, was believed to be a reformist. He was hoped to alleviate the people, at least partially, from the repression and discrimination they have been experiencing for decades. But it turned out that this would be intensified in his administration--the Ronghiya Muslims have lost their right to vote in February 2015 and discrimination of the Ronghiya Muslims became state-sanctioned (Burmese Rohingya Organization UK, 2015).

Fearing the social and political conditions they are facing in Burma, many Rohingya Muslims left their country in hopes to find refuge in other SEA countries. However, they were denied passage. Smugglers also left the boats where the Rohingya Muslims are in. Many of them are sick, many are dying.

I do not know where to go. I do not know what I could do. What we could do. The Philippine government already said that they would only allow those who have proper documents; others would not be allowed to enter. As much as I want to yell at our government, I know that they could only do so much.

The UN has urged the SEA countries not to refuse the refugees. But they, also, could only do so much. These countries have big problems that they are currently confronting as well.

I do not know. The thought of the Rohingya Muslims having to face a bleak future bothers me to the very core. Just like them, I came to ask, "where do we go?"

References

BBC. (3 July 2014). Why is there communal violence in Myanmar? Accessed from http://www.bbc.com/news/world-asia-18395788

Burmese Rohingya Organisation UK. (2 April 2015). The Rohingya, the Citizenship Law, Temporary Registration, and Implementation of the Rakhine State Action Plan. Accessed from http://www.burmapartnership.org/2015/04/the-rohingya-the-citizenship-law-temporary-registration-and-implementation-of-the-rakhine-state-action-plan/

Graham-Harrison, E. (2 May 2015). Burma's boatpeople 'faced choice of annihilation or risking their lives at sea'. The Guardian. Accessed from http://www.theguardian.com/world/2015/may/17/rohingya-burma-refugees-boat-migrants

Perlez, J. (6 November 2014). Myanmar's policy message to Muslims: Get out. The New York Times. Accessed from http://www.nytimes.com/2014/11/07/world/asia/rohingya-myanmar-rakhine-state-thailand-malaysia.html?_r=0

/Lay me down, Layouting/

I.am.just.so.tired.

On Layouting:
Does not matter. Anyway,  I was able to finish the layouts of my websites yesterday. I started last Saturday. It was difficult. I knew I would encounter problems while I was listening to our lab instructor in our last session which was about layouting. It was worse than I thought.

At first, I had no idea what I was doing, or what I should do. I checked my notes and the handout for help, to no avail. Then, I went to w3schools.com to search for tutorials. I was sure glad I did. After finishing my websites, however, I felt unsatisfied with my work. Nonetheless, I knew it was all that I could. Doing it for five days would make me look like a slow worker, but honestly, I got stuck with my Profile website and had to do it for three days. The two other websites, I worked for a day each.

I just hope they are decent enough. -_-#

On our Lab class:

Why should they be so indifferent? The only people who showed real concern for our project was one male, Ate Mutya, one of our Devcom classmates and Kiara. Others just looked at us as if we could just do it by ourselves.

Nakakairita. Nakakainis.

We asked if anyone knew how to edit videos. No one said they can. I learned to edit vids just last semester. I learned it all by myself. Couldn't they be more considerate and at least try? I am a graduating student and have a manuscript to tend to. But I still volunteered. I thought that if I volunteered, others would follow; but who wants to have an extra acad cargo if someone already said he/she would do it, right?

I asked for the second time if anyone could help me, no one really bothered. It was exasperating. It really is. Not all even participated in brainstorming or conceptualizing for the video.

Nakakairita. Nakakainis.

I just hope I would be able to produce a good video.

Restart

In the midst of my failures

and the tears I let to fall

because of these, because of these.

I yearn for hope.

A new beginning fresh

like a morning dew

kissing the leaf, from the tip to the root

A new beginning.

To face the sun not to bury my regrets

But to let them soak in sunlight

and remember and say,

"This is how being alive feels like."

I look out, yearning,

with a cup of coffee and a plate of heartbeats

I wait now for the sun to flood the room.

This is hope, this is restart.